Time to Breathe

I think I'm going to have to schedule time to breathe over the next two months, starting...oh...let's say, tommorrow at 9:00 AM. I almost had a panic attack last night when I was thinking about my schedule. For  a second, I thought that I had two incredibly conflicting jobs scheduled for this Saturday. Then, I rememberd that my PCAT class will not meet until NEXT Saturday. After that, I was able to work on getting my heart rate back down to something that resembles normal.

The good news is that next week, while busy, is not scheduled to the last minute. It is kind of like my launching pad for the month. And I definitely want to take one day--ONE WHOLE DAY--off! Maybe I'll finally use the massage my bro and sis-in-love gave me for Christmas. Goodness knows I could use it!

I wish I could think of something profound to say...but I think I'll just say, "Yay, God! Bless me and sustain me!" And call it a night.

An offensive title

Last night, on my way to see a movie with a friend, I decided to stop at Barnes & Noble for dinner. You may think that's strange, but I work there, which means food from the cafe is pretty darn cheap. Plus, I was hoping that a certain young lady would be working in the cafe. We need people to paint faces on Saturday and there's just something about her that I've always liked. I thought she would be a good addition to our team of airbrush artists. (She was there, and she is going to work with us on Saturday. Woohoo!)

Anyway. I ordered my food then realized that I needed something to read while I ate my solitary meal (I was at a bookstore after all). I went looking for a title recommended to me earlier that day, The Mind of God by Hunt. It wasn't on the shelf. But I realized I was in the neighborhood for Craig Groeschel and decided to see if he had anything new out.

I looked up a row to see a loud orange cover with the title the Christian atheist running down the spine. And at first, I was repelled. I mean, how can anyone use the word "Christian" to describe an atheist. I didn't even want to touch the book...but then, I thought back to the times I heard Groeschel speak at Catalyst. His messages were always timely, powerful, thought-provoking. So I picked the book up and went back to the cafe.

And I got drawn in pretty quickly. He begins the introduction this way, "Hi, my name is Craig Groeschel, and I'm a Christian atheist." I read that and I thought, WHAT?! But he's a pastor, he has a huge congregation, he's a leader for my generation. WHAT?? But then I kept reading, "For as long as I can remember, I've believed in God, but I haven't always lived like he exists."

I asked myself, "Self, have we done that?" And I had to answer, my head bowed, "Yes, yes indeed we have."  So I kept reading. Now, my story is very different from Craig's. Just as your story is going to be very different from mine. But the Introduction ends, in part, with these words: "Was there a time in your life that you were closer to God than you are today? If you're like me, then spiritual drift didn't happen on purpose. Like a tiny leak in a tire, slowly but surely, your spiritual passion quietly slipped away..."

I bought the book.

Four years of wilderness...

I look back on my last posts, and that's what it feels like. A lot of lost time. Four years of wandering, searching, trying to find myself. When I really needed to have my eyes on my God, my Abba.
Please God, let this wilderness be ending. Father, I think of the words to the song How He Loves,

heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss

and my heart turns violently inside of my chest

and I don't have time to maintain these regrets

when I think about the way that He loves us

I don't have time to maintain my regrets. You love me Father, from the the time You put me together and breathed life into me through the end of time. How can I dwell on my regrets--my mistakes, my failures, my uncertainties, my missed opportunities--when I stop to dwell on how much, how very much, You love me?

Help me to turn from the past into the marvelous light of Your grace, of Your glory, of the future You have for me. Guide my every step. Form my every thought. Please, God, surprise me! Show up in ways I can't even imagine. Enlarge my territory and prepare me for greater influence in Your world. Bless me, indeed, as only You can.
(My favorite version of How He Loves, by Eddie Kirkland)